Wonderful
by PolkadotSunstar
Summary: Charlie has never had an easy life, he's sick of hearing people say that someday life will be wonderful again. He hates what his dad is doing to him, he hates being scared to tell Adam how he feels, but maybe he has a little bit of hope left in him. R&R!


**Author's Note: I'm so bored, with my sprained ankle and carpal tunnel, so I'm just gonna write my third story of the day. :)**

**Warning: Slash- kind of. Not really mentioned at all, kind of a one-sided thing. Angst galore.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything; the song is Wonderful by Everclear.**

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_I close my eyes when I get too sad  
I think thoughts that I know are bad  
Close my eyes and I count to ten  
Hope its over when I open them_

My mom doesn't think I remember anything from when I was younger. Anything from before she finally left my dad, left him the first time.

I used to be happy there, tt was nice when we were together as a family. I remember it some days, and wish we could be happy again.

At the end though, I always remember lying in my room, on my bed, closing my eyes, hoping everything would just go away. Maybe blocking it off would make it stop. It never did.

_I want the things that I had before  
Like a star wars poster on my bedroom door  
I wish I could count to ten  
Make everything be wonderful again_

Things were good before my dad lost his job, then he started drinking and nothing was the same. I miss the way things used to be.

I wish it could be like hide and seek where you could count to ten, find your friends, and everyone was together again, maybe everything could just be wonderful.

_Hope my mom and I hope my dad  
Will figure out why they get so mad  
Hear them scream, I hear them fight  
They say bad words that make me wanna cry_

Sometimes my dad will come around and apologize for how he acted, for how he treated my mom and I.

I would think that by now mom would realize that she can't trust him, he doesn't mean it, not for long anyway.

They still scream and fight. He still hits her when he's drunk, he still screams bad things at her, at me. I wish they could sort it all out, and stop being so mad.

_Close my eyes when I go to bed  
And I dream of angels who make me smile  
I feel better when I hear them say  
Everything will be wonderful someday_

I like when I dream.

When I was eleven, the nightmares stopped, and all that filled my mind at night were angels and butterflies.

Sometimes the angels take form of Adam and I smile, knowing how much I love him, how much he means to me.

He tells me, that someday everything will be okay.

Everything will be wonderful.

And I believe him. Every time.

_Promises mean everything when you're little  
And the worlds so big  
I just don't understand how  
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes  
Tell me everything is wonderful now_

Mom, you always promised that there was nothing I needed to fear in the world, you used to tell me "daddy and I love you very much, Charlie, and we always will. You have nothing to be scared of."

Whatever happened to that?

Whatever happened to the love he used to feel for me, for _you_?

How can you smile at me day after day, the hurt evident in your eyes, the tears shining, and tell me that everything is fine, everything is _wonderful?_

_Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now_

Sometimes someone telling you something doesn't make it true. You tell me life is wonderful, but I hate hearing something that isn't true.

Don't tell me life is wonderful.

I know the truth.

_I go to school and I run and play  
I tell the kids that its all okay  
I laugh aloud so my friends wont know  
When the bell rings I just don't wanna go home_

I've had years of practice, you know.

I can lie so easy now, without a blink of an eye.

I smile and laugh with my friends, hide the winces when they slap me on the back, congratulating me on a well-played hockey game.

No one notices that I frown everyday when the bell rings, signaling time to go home.

No one notices that I trudge home slowly, head down, hands in my pockets.

_Go to my room and I close my eyes  
I make believe that I have a new life  
I don't believe you when you say  
everything will be wonderful someday_

I don't think I've ever believed that life could actually be wonderful for me.

It seems so easy for everyone else; they live life without a care in the world.

I pretend sometimes that my life is different. Sometimes I like to think that Adam loves me too, and that it's not only in my dreams. I make believe that I have a mom and a dad that don't ever fight, don't ever scream or swear.

I like to believe in a Utopian world.

_Promises mean everything when you're little  
And the world is so big  
I just don't understand how  
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes  
When you tell me everything is wonderful now_

It's a big world out there.

I know life isn't perfect; you can't always get what you want.

But, for once I would like to get the _one_ thing I want. A life to live, a life to love.

I wish we could live in a perfect world, where everyone could have a hope for tomorrow.

_No  
No, I don't wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now  
No  
No, I don't wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now_

There's really no point anymore, in telling me that life is wonderful.

_I don't wanna hear you say  
That I will understand someday  
No, no, no, no  
I don't wanna hear you say  
You both have grown in a different way  
No, no, no, no_

No, I won't ever understand. Don't tell me that I will.

How can you even _begin_ to understand how the world works, how _people_ work?

There's no way to understand why dad changed, why you still trust him, there's no possible way to understand why you let him use you and I as a punching bag.

I would like to understand, but, mom, it's not _possible._

_I don't wanna meet your friends  
And I don't wanna start over again  
I just want my life to be the same  
Just like it used to be_

We've started over twice before, and I don't want to do it again.

We've left our lives behind, everything we knew, so that we could just _get away._ And then, mom, you let him back into our lives, both times.

I want my life the way it used to be, back when you and dad loved each other. I want to be happy again.

Why can't it be like it used to be?

_Some days I hate everything  
I hate everything  
Everyone and everything  
Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now..._

Deep in your heart you know this is your fault too mom.

It's your fault I'm the way I am.

I'm scared of my own shadow; I'm scared to tell Adam how I feel because I don't want to end up like dad.

There are some days where I just hate everything, and I wonder why I'm even alive.

But then I realize, I'm almost done high school, almost of legal age to get away from it all.

Maybe then I can learn to be happy. Truly happy, not just fake smiles and forced laughs.

Maybe someday I can tell Adam, how much I love him, how much his smile brightens up my day, if only for a few minutes. But they're the minutes that count the most, in my eyes.

Maybe Adam will tell me he feels the same way.

Maybe someday life really can be wonderful.

But for now, mom, please don't tell me everything is fine, that everything is wonderful.

Don't put on an act for me, because this hurts me more then it does you.

_I don't wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now_

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**Author's Note: Whoa. I don't even know what came over me there. I think I kinda liked it though….**

**Please review!**


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